Thursday, December 25, 2008
Woops!
Whoa! I didn't realize I haven't seen this part of the World Wide Web. It's been so long! Sorry Barry for not coming in. Where's the Fazer Fanda?
Monday, October 13, 2008
October already?!
Tsk tsk. I suppose with everything that has been happening, noone really looks at this blog anymore do they?
I have somewhat moved on to my Notes on Facebook. hehehe. Much more convenient I think.
But seeing that the blog is feeling very backdated and it cried out to me for some loving attention, I just had to write something.
So there.
Written.
I have somewhat moved on to my Notes on Facebook. hehehe. Much more convenient I think.
But seeing that the blog is feeling very backdated and it cried out to me for some loving attention, I just had to write something.
So there.
Written.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
1 week.
Bought Mind Your Language. Watched.
Watched Charlie's Angels / Avengers / Buffy / Charmed.
Went karaoke-ing.
Slept.
Stayed awake.
Ate.
Went for a lonely walk.
Attempted to write. Failed miserably.
Had coffee with Soon / Izmil.
That was how I spent that one week. I need another week.
Watched Charlie's Angels / Avengers / Buffy / Charmed.
Went karaoke-ing.
Slept.
Stayed awake.
Ate.
Went for a lonely walk.
Attempted to write. Failed miserably.
Had coffee with Soon / Izmil.
That was how I spent that one week. I need another week.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KARAN!!
Happy happy birthday to you luv! Friday we SIIIIIIING!
Thought of the day
It ain't fun having a shared blog when you're the only one updating it on a regular basis.
Thought of the day
It ain't fun having a shared blog when you're the only one updating it on a regular basis.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Sore all over... but oh it was so damned GOOD!
First impressions of Cope Adventure.
1. Great reception
2. Felt like I was away from the city
3. AIR WAS SO FRESH!
4. Food was great!
5. Activities were certainly fun & stimulating.
6. Cold showers are the bomb!
7. Hate insects then, still hate it now.
Will elaborate more in the upcoming issue of MANAGEMENT.
1. Great reception
2. Felt like I was away from the city
3. AIR WAS SO FRESH!
4. Food was great!
5. Activities were certainly fun & stimulating.
6. Cold showers are the bomb!
7. Hate insects then, still hate it now.
Will elaborate more in the upcoming issue of MANAGEMENT.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Why I love Marina Mahathir.
This is taken from Marina Mahathir's 'Musings' column. In no way do I claim to be the author of this piece. All credit goes to this amazing lady :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Government wants us to change our lifestyles to cope with
inflation. It is easier said than done since most people were
having it difficult even before the hikes. The Government must
first set an example by doing things it should have done long
ago.
WITH the recent hike in fuel prices and the Government's
exhortations for us to change our lifestyles in order to cope,
may I provide here some suggestions for the Government and
those who work for it to 'share our burden'.
1. Stop having meetings, especially out at resorts, far enough
away to be able to claim transport allowances. Have online
meetings instead or teleconferences. Use Skype or chat.
2. No need to order special pens, bags, T-shirts, notepads and
other goodies for those same meetings.
3. No need to order kuih for mid-morning or teatime meetings in
government offices, or nasi briyani lunches for those meetings
that happen to end just at lunchtime.
4. Cancel all trips for government servants to conferences
overseas unless they return with full reports of what they did
there, who they met and what they learnt and how they mean to
apply what they learnt at home. Ask them to do presentations to
colleagues who did not get to go, on the most interesting and
important papers that they read.
5. Scrutinise invoices for contracts to make sure they are
truly reflective of what those projects or supplies cost.
6. Stop elaborate launches for government programmes. In
particular, stop the buying of souvenirs, special batik shirts,
corsages, bouquets and caps.
7. Make all civil servants and politicians travel economy
class. That means really travelling at the back of the plane
and not buying full fare economy class tickets that allow them
to be upgraded to Business Class.
8. Stop having the full complement of police escorts to cut
down on petrol costs. If they need to be somewhere by a certain
time, start earlier like the rest of us. Wouldn't be a bad
thing for them to also experience a traffic jam.
9. Once a week (or more), have ministers use public transport
so they know what everyone else has to suffer. This might
provide them with the incentive to improve them.
10. Once a week, let ministers go to a market to buy food for
their families with instructions to not spend more than RM100.
11. Get ministers to carpool. They might get more work done
just by being able to talk to each other to see what can be
coordinated between their ministries. For instance, the
Ministers of Health and Women could discuss what to do about
women's health issues in the car on the way to work. Maybe have
a secretary to travel in the front seat to take down notes on
what was discussed. By the time they get to their offices,
things can get implemented.
12. Once a month, get civil servants to work with one
disadvantaged group in order to be better able to appreciate
their problems. It could be blind people one month, hearing
disabled people the next, orang asli the following month and
people living with HIV/AIDS after that.
We could start buddy systems which pair one civil servant with
one disadvantaged person and at the end of it, ask each pair to
make recommendations on how to make life better for each other.
This might get rid of the problem of desk jockeys, people who
never stray very far from their desks yet make policies for
people they know nothing about.
13. Have PA systems that shout out the name of the officers who
have to serve people at government offices so that people get
the services they came for and don't have to keep coming back
just because the officer was out having coffee.
No counter should be left unmanned for more than five minutes
before the officer is paged to go back to their stations. This
should cut down waiting time for the public and save them
transport costs in having to keep returning just to get one
thing done.
14. Government officers who lose people's files should be fined
and have their names publicised for being careless and causing
inconvenience to the public. Instead of making the public
travel to their offices several times to deal with their
problems, they should travel to go see their client and deal
with it right there and then.
And every officer who goes out of the office should be given a
reasonable time to get his work done after which he is expected
back in office so he doesn't waste time doing something else.
15. And newspapers should save paper by reporting real news
rather than non-news that they carry, particularly nonsensical
utterances by politicians.
As they say, we need to do this all together in order to make a
difference. So if the Government and politicians make these
lifestyle changes, I will do my part and change mine.
Thank You.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agreed? Definitely! Especially points 8, 9 and 10. Actually, with all lah.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Government wants us to change our lifestyles to cope with
inflation. It is easier said than done since most people were
having it difficult even before the hikes. The Government must
first set an example by doing things it should have done long
ago.
WITH the recent hike in fuel prices and the Government's
exhortations for us to change our lifestyles in order to cope,
may I provide here some suggestions for the Government and
those who work for it to 'share our burden'.
1. Stop having meetings, especially out at resorts, far enough
away to be able to claim transport allowances. Have online
meetings instead or teleconferences. Use Skype or chat.
2. No need to order special pens, bags, T-shirts, notepads and
other goodies for those same meetings.
3. No need to order kuih for mid-morning or teatime meetings in
government offices, or nasi briyani lunches for those meetings
that happen to end just at lunchtime.
4. Cancel all trips for government servants to conferences
overseas unless they return with full reports of what they did
there, who they met and what they learnt and how they mean to
apply what they learnt at home. Ask them to do presentations to
colleagues who did not get to go, on the most interesting and
important papers that they read.
5. Scrutinise invoices for contracts to make sure they are
truly reflective of what those projects or supplies cost.
6. Stop elaborate launches for government programmes. In
particular, stop the buying of souvenirs, special batik shirts,
corsages, bouquets and caps.
7. Make all civil servants and politicians travel economy
class. That means really travelling at the back of the plane
and not buying full fare economy class tickets that allow them
to be upgraded to Business Class.
8. Stop having the full complement of police escorts to cut
down on petrol costs. If they need to be somewhere by a certain
time, start earlier like the rest of us. Wouldn't be a bad
thing for them to also experience a traffic jam.
9. Once a week (or more), have ministers use public transport
so they know what everyone else has to suffer. This might
provide them with the incentive to improve them.
10. Once a week, let ministers go to a market to buy food for
their families with instructions to not spend more than RM100.
11. Get ministers to carpool. They might get more work done
just by being able to talk to each other to see what can be
coordinated between their ministries. For instance, the
Ministers of Health and Women could discuss what to do about
women's health issues in the car on the way to work. Maybe have
a secretary to travel in the front seat to take down notes on
what was discussed. By the time they get to their offices,
things can get implemented.
12. Once a month, get civil servants to work with one
disadvantaged group in order to be better able to appreciate
their problems. It could be blind people one month, hearing
disabled people the next, orang asli the following month and
people living with HIV/AIDS after that.
We could start buddy systems which pair one civil servant with
one disadvantaged person and at the end of it, ask each pair to
make recommendations on how to make life better for each other.
This might get rid of the problem of desk jockeys, people who
never stray very far from their desks yet make policies for
people they know nothing about.
13. Have PA systems that shout out the name of the officers who
have to serve people at government offices so that people get
the services they came for and don't have to keep coming back
just because the officer was out having coffee.
No counter should be left unmanned for more than five minutes
before the officer is paged to go back to their stations. This
should cut down waiting time for the public and save them
transport costs in having to keep returning just to get one
thing done.
14. Government officers who lose people's files should be fined
and have their names publicised for being careless and causing
inconvenience to the public. Instead of making the public
travel to their offices several times to deal with their
problems, they should travel to go see their client and deal
with it right there and then.
And every officer who goes out of the office should be given a
reasonable time to get his work done after which he is expected
back in office so he doesn't waste time doing something else.
15. And newspapers should save paper by reporting real news
rather than non-news that they carry, particularly nonsensical
utterances by politicians.
As they say, we need to do this all together in order to make a
difference. So if the Government and politicians make these
lifestyle changes, I will do my part and change mine.
Thank You.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agreed? Definitely! Especially points 8, 9 and 10. Actually, with all lah.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Tis the season to be lovey dovey
Let me start of with a resounding HMPH.
Bitterness is definitely not becoming... but how can I not be bitter when my two closest friends are in the throes of a new found relationship??
Guess I'll be up to my own shit for awhile. Don't forget me yeah? *Looks pointedly at the other two contributors to this blog.
That said, I am happy for you guys. :)
To Mira - Pace yourself girl ;)
To Karan - I certainly hope the Ikea set held up well.
Batik on betik, over and out.
Bitterness is definitely not becoming... but how can I not be bitter when my two closest friends are in the throes of a new found relationship??
Guess I'll be up to my own shit for awhile. Don't forget me yeah? *Looks pointedly at the other two contributors to this blog.
That said, I am happy for you guys. :)
To Mira - Pace yourself girl ;)
To Karan - I certainly hope the Ikea set held up well.
Batik on betik, over and out.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
A Day in the Life of a Drop of Water
'NO, don't drink me naughty buaya!' the droplets of water squealed, swimming away hurriedly in the churning waters of Sungai Kelang.
The buaya grinned naughtily, 'Hehehe, you can't run away from me lil droplets! I am bigger and faster than you!'
Kimmy swam as fast as she could. Behind her, one by one she heard all her friends shriek as they disappeared inside the buaya's gaping jaw. Just as she felt like she couldn't swim fast enough to escape the naughty buaya, she saw a blurred object crashing into the water ahead of her, and before she knew it she was lifted into the air and plunged into a strange, echoey 'cave'.
Kimmy cowered with fear. Why is this cave moving? she wondered. She could hear leaves crackling, the sound of branches snapping and she could see a sea of green above her. Suddenly, she heard a voice call out, "Mek, bukak pintu! Bah dah balik dengan air tu!' Kimmy was scared. What was happening to her? 'Bagus la tu,' another voice rang, 'Mek nak masak air...'
Kimmy suddenly saw the mouth of the cave tipping to the right. Behind her, the millions of droplets pushed her closer and closer to the mouth. She began crying, asking them not to push her but they wouldn't listen. Almost in an instant, she saw what lay in front of her and fell into a black pool of angry droplets!
Kimmy cried and cried because it was so painful. The angry droplets were screaming and shouting, kicking and pushing. It was becoming very very warm and this irritated Kimmy. And it seemed to irritate all the other droplets too. Everyone was groaning and sighing and they really were a nasty bunch of droplets at that time.
Just as she felt like she couldn't face the discomfort any more, she felt her little body being pulled away into the air. What is happening now? All around her, Kimmy saw little droplet angels pulling her into the sky. 'How is it that you can carry me so easily Angels?' little Kimmy asked. They just smiled and whistled away.
Little Kimmy floated through the air, and saw a few of her naughty friends also being carried by the angels. They seemed so much nicer now, she thought. All happy and smiling. Soon they found themselves going higher than they've ever been before. Kimmy's eyes were wide with amazement, seeing clouds upclose for the very first time. 'Wow!', she thought, 'they really do feel like cotton candy!'
A little angel told her, 'This is you home now Kimmy. Pick a cloud, any cloud!' Kimmy giggled and floated right up to her favourite cloud; a big, puffy, comfy looking one. The cloud spread its arms and welcomed Kimmy, hugging her tight. Kimmy felt tired, and whilst being cradle gently in its arms, she closed her eyes and fell asleep.
It seemed like Kimmy slept for such a short time, but when she opened her eyes, everything had changed! The warm, welcoming cloud suddenly seemed dark and scary. It kept on grumbling about how heavy it felt, and how it couldn't stay up in the sky much longer. Kimmy shivered with fear every time it rumbled. Suddenly, she heard the cloud saying....'I'm sorry...'
Lightning flashed and Kimmy found herself diving straight to the green beneath her. She screamed with fear and tried to clutch on to something, anything around her, but there was nothing that she could hang on to. Mile after mile she plunged....
In the river, the buaya smiled.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is this suitable for a 10 year old kids' science project?
The buaya grinned naughtily, 'Hehehe, you can't run away from me lil droplets! I am bigger and faster than you!'
Kimmy swam as fast as she could. Behind her, one by one she heard all her friends shriek as they disappeared inside the buaya's gaping jaw. Just as she felt like she couldn't swim fast enough to escape the naughty buaya, she saw a blurred object crashing into the water ahead of her, and before she knew it she was lifted into the air and plunged into a strange, echoey 'cave'.
Kimmy cowered with fear. Why is this cave moving? she wondered. She could hear leaves crackling, the sound of branches snapping and she could see a sea of green above her. Suddenly, she heard a voice call out, "Mek, bukak pintu! Bah dah balik dengan air tu!' Kimmy was scared. What was happening to her? 'Bagus la tu,' another voice rang, 'Mek nak masak air...'
Kimmy suddenly saw the mouth of the cave tipping to the right. Behind her, the millions of droplets pushed her closer and closer to the mouth. She began crying, asking them not to push her but they wouldn't listen. Almost in an instant, she saw what lay in front of her and fell into a black pool of angry droplets!
Kimmy cried and cried because it was so painful. The angry droplets were screaming and shouting, kicking and pushing. It was becoming very very warm and this irritated Kimmy. And it seemed to irritate all the other droplets too. Everyone was groaning and sighing and they really were a nasty bunch of droplets at that time.
Just as she felt like she couldn't face the discomfort any more, she felt her little body being pulled away into the air. What is happening now? All around her, Kimmy saw little droplet angels pulling her into the sky. 'How is it that you can carry me so easily Angels?' little Kimmy asked. They just smiled and whistled away.
Little Kimmy floated through the air, and saw a few of her naughty friends also being carried by the angels. They seemed so much nicer now, she thought. All happy and smiling. Soon they found themselves going higher than they've ever been before. Kimmy's eyes were wide with amazement, seeing clouds upclose for the very first time. 'Wow!', she thought, 'they really do feel like cotton candy!'
A little angel told her, 'This is you home now Kimmy. Pick a cloud, any cloud!' Kimmy giggled and floated right up to her favourite cloud; a big, puffy, comfy looking one. The cloud spread its arms and welcomed Kimmy, hugging her tight. Kimmy felt tired, and whilst being cradle gently in its arms, she closed her eyes and fell asleep.
It seemed like Kimmy slept for such a short time, but when she opened her eyes, everything had changed! The warm, welcoming cloud suddenly seemed dark and scary. It kept on grumbling about how heavy it felt, and how it couldn't stay up in the sky much longer. Kimmy shivered with fear every time it rumbled. Suddenly, she heard the cloud saying....'I'm sorry...'
Lightning flashed and Kimmy found herself diving straight to the green beneath her. She screamed with fear and tried to clutch on to something, anything around her, but there was nothing that she could hang on to. Mile after mile she plunged....
In the river, the buaya smiled.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is this suitable for a 10 year old kids' science project?
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The after effects of the damned petrol price increase.
Ok fine. So they HAD to increase the price of petrol to RM2.70. Urgh.
In order for me not to feel the almighty pinch, I have decided to then cut cost everywhere I can. Am gonna try to list down as much (as this rather fried brain can remember) of my daily / weekly / monthly expenditure and see where I can economise.
Daily expenses:
Noone touches my karaoke fund!
Ok, I suffose the breakfast pt. 2 jazz can be cut out (will be good for my waistline too!), and so can the unnecessary dinners after work. Can always eat at home and catch up with the boys n girls during the weekend. So thats a saving of (RM3 x 5 = RM15, RM10 x 5 = 50) so all in all a RM65 saving per week! In addition to the saving of RM5 from switching gel brands...
I really dread exchanging my Olay Total Effects with a house brand...
RM70 savings to the karaoke fund.
So thats RM70 saved. In a perfect world I would be able to cut out on the cigarettes (RM8.20 x 7 x 4 = RM229. something!).
So, if I add up all the savings done per month... it would come up to RM300! But I'm somewhat realistic, and I know the cutting out of cigarettes will take more than a petrol price increase.
Dunno la. Am a bit tired now, juggling all these figures. Perhaps thats enough for today. Will brood on it and return tomorrow with a fresh set of figures.
In order for me not to feel the almighty pinch, I have decided to then cut cost everywhere I can. Am gonna try to list down as much (as this rather fried brain can remember) of my daily / weekly / monthly expenditure and see where I can economise.
Daily expenses:
- Breakfast pt 2. (can range anywhere between RM2 - Rm3)
- Lunch (between RM6- RM7)
- Fags (RM8.20)
- Dinner (RM5- RM10)
- Petrol (Rm7.50)
- Toll (RM3.20)
- Karaoke - How to estimate? Depending on the number of people who join in, it can range from RM20 - RM50
Noone touches my karaoke fund!
Ok, I suffose the breakfast pt. 2 jazz can be cut out (will be good for my waistline too!), and so can the unnecessary dinners after work. Can always eat at home and catch up with the boys n girls during the weekend. So thats a saving of (RM3 x 5 = RM15, RM10 x 5 = 50) so all in all a RM65 saving per week! In addition to the saving of RM5 from switching gel brands...
I really dread exchanging my Olay Total Effects with a house brand...
RM70 savings to the karaoke fund.
So thats RM70 saved. In a perfect world I would be able to cut out on the cigarettes (RM8.20 x 7 x 4 = RM229. something!).
So, if I add up all the savings done per month... it would come up to RM300! But I'm somewhat realistic, and I know the cutting out of cigarettes will take more than a petrol price increase.
Dunno la. Am a bit tired now, juggling all these figures. Perhaps thats enough for today. Will brood on it and return tomorrow with a fresh set of figures.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Diversion
It certainly has been quite a long time since my last post! Hmm.. there's just been way too much happening, all thoughts of posting whatever food i've consumed has certainly taken a backseat. Those closest to me know what I'm talking about. My life (fortunately) has been revolving around a particular person lah. But as I am slowly beginning to realise, that can't be all my life is about.
I guess human beings are made such. They need love, they need attention, they need to know that someone cares and they in turn also need to care. Some sort of nurturing instinct I guess. I love caring for a person. And I realise that I will go that extra mile if that person is (more or less) the one. The one huh? Yup. Such strong words. But what to do? Feelings also strong lah. LoL!
But what brings you together can also be the thing that tears it apart. The initial attraction was so intense that, I must admit, I got rather carried away. Time spent with friends were drastically reduced. I lost touch with some, pissed off some, made up with a few, but overall the ones that were really important to me (and me to them) understood. Got the usual ribbing but all in good nature lah lol. Bless you guys.
Baby, (you know who you are) we've gone through so much in this 3 (official) months. How it began, how it progressed, all the tears and drama, screaming and shouting, the proclamations of doom for many parties... honestly, I sometimes wonder how we managed to make it this far. Not to mention the one breakup halfway through. Definitely a dark period in my life. Gosh... how much more drama can this get? LOL!
Love - its sweet - being with you is sweet. Makes me happy. Seriously. Underneath all the issues that we are facing, all the trials and tribulations we have to endure, there must be something kan that is keeping us together? I believe... no, i know it's love. And even though we acknowledged that sometimes love is not enough, but we also acknowledged that it is a great foundation on which a relationship is built. And we have it. Why are we not celebrating it?
A culmination of too many questions, accusations, wrongdoings... it certainly has taken a toll on both of us. And what we share. And what we can have.
I wrote a little something two nights ago. Wanna take a gander at it? Forgive the sappy title though.
R&B
Voices… those voices
They won’t keep still
Taunt me with their words
And I move against my will…
I…I refuse to listen but
They seem to have taken over
And I’m not drawing you closer…
You don’t love me like I love you
You don’t miss me the way I’m missing you
I guess I’m ok with it, that I can’t fight
You need that time alone
You say it’ll make things right…
If only you can feel what I feel when I’m holding your hand
Or see what my eyes see when I look at you
The love I have for you you’ll never understand
But I know you’re trying very hard to…
Walk away, breathe… smoke a cigarette
Run away, scream… then imagination takes flight
What you say, what you do
What you choose to tell me and what you choose not to
Truth be told I am torn
But its our love that keeps me going on
It keeps me strong…
But… what is it that you’ve been feeling all along?
It secretly hurts to have to hear you say what you did before. But really, I am getting fed up with feeling this 'sakit hatiness'. I mean, you know your limitations. You have expressed that limitations. But you have also expressed your desire to try and make things better. Through all the hesitations and uncertainty, you refused to throw in the towel the last couple of times.
Gives me hope.
I have to begin understanding the person you are. And I have to stop placing my expectations of who you are on you, and judging based on that, and begin to accept you for who you are and your actions as well.
I know my approach to things were not the best also lah kan. Admittedly, there were demons I had to battle which did not help things at all. BUt you know what? I am fed up with talking about what is wrong. We both know what is wrong. And we both know what we have to do.
Guess what? I really do think we are doing it!
There is a lightness in my heart that I haven't felt for the longest time. There is a certain amount of ease between us that is slowly replacing all the fear, distrust, anger and doubt. I feel more comfortable around you, I don't second guess so much. And yes, that means we are less likely to be heading into another heated argument.
I like you. I love you. You like me, you love me. Maybe not in equal measures but thats the norm in most relationships. Only that it has been verbalised in ours. A lot of things have to be verbalised in ours unfortunately. I am trying not to fly into rage, you have stopped hiding and are so much more patient.
And you have begun smiling and laughing more now. That I love the most.
Baby baby baby... what a long 3 months. We still have a long way to go. But I honestly think it will be slightly easier from now.
I guess human beings are made such. They need love, they need attention, they need to know that someone cares and they in turn also need to care. Some sort of nurturing instinct I guess. I love caring for a person. And I realise that I will go that extra mile if that person is (more or less) the one. The one huh? Yup. Such strong words. But what to do? Feelings also strong lah. LoL!
But what brings you together can also be the thing that tears it apart. The initial attraction was so intense that, I must admit, I got rather carried away. Time spent with friends were drastically reduced. I lost touch with some, pissed off some, made up with a few, but overall the ones that were really important to me (and me to them) understood. Got the usual ribbing but all in good nature lah lol. Bless you guys.
Baby, (you know who you are) we've gone through so much in this 3 (official) months. How it began, how it progressed, all the tears and drama, screaming and shouting, the proclamations of doom for many parties... honestly, I sometimes wonder how we managed to make it this far. Not to mention the one breakup halfway through. Definitely a dark period in my life. Gosh... how much more drama can this get? LOL!
Love - its sweet - being with you is sweet. Makes me happy. Seriously. Underneath all the issues that we are facing, all the trials and tribulations we have to endure, there must be something kan that is keeping us together? I believe... no, i know it's love. And even though we acknowledged that sometimes love is not enough, but we also acknowledged that it is a great foundation on which a relationship is built. And we have it. Why are we not celebrating it?
A culmination of too many questions, accusations, wrongdoings... it certainly has taken a toll on both of us. And what we share. And what we can have.
I wrote a little something two nights ago. Wanna take a gander at it? Forgive the sappy title though.
R&B
Voices… those voices
They won’t keep still
Taunt me with their words
And I move against my will…
I…I refuse to listen but
They seem to have taken over
And I’m not drawing you closer…
You don’t love me like I love you
You don’t miss me the way I’m missing you
I guess I’m ok with it, that I can’t fight
You need that time alone
You say it’ll make things right…
If only you can feel what I feel when I’m holding your hand
Or see what my eyes see when I look at you
The love I have for you you’ll never understand
But I know you’re trying very hard to…
Walk away, breathe… smoke a cigarette
Run away, scream… then imagination takes flight
What you say, what you do
What you choose to tell me and what you choose not to
Truth be told I am torn
But its our love that keeps me going on
It keeps me strong…
But… what is it that you’ve been feeling all along?
It secretly hurts to have to hear you say what you did before. But really, I am getting fed up with feeling this 'sakit hatiness'. I mean, you know your limitations. You have expressed that limitations. But you have also expressed your desire to try and make things better. Through all the hesitations and uncertainty, you refused to throw in the towel the last couple of times.
Gives me hope.
I have to begin understanding the person you are. And I have to stop placing my expectations of who you are on you, and judging based on that, and begin to accept you for who you are and your actions as well.
I know my approach to things were not the best also lah kan. Admittedly, there were demons I had to battle which did not help things at all. BUt you know what? I am fed up with talking about what is wrong. We both know what is wrong. And we both know what we have to do.
Guess what? I really do think we are doing it!
There is a lightness in my heart that I haven't felt for the longest time. There is a certain amount of ease between us that is slowly replacing all the fear, distrust, anger and doubt. I feel more comfortable around you, I don't second guess so much. And yes, that means we are less likely to be heading into another heated argument.
I like you. I love you. You like me, you love me. Maybe not in equal measures but thats the norm in most relationships. Only that it has been verbalised in ours. A lot of things have to be verbalised in ours unfortunately. I am trying not to fly into rage, you have stopped hiding and are so much more patient.
And you have begun smiling and laughing more now. That I love the most.
Baby baby baby... what a long 3 months. We still have a long way to go. But I honestly think it will be slightly easier from now.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Higgledy-piggledy.
It's heartbreaking, knowing that you're left all alone at home as all your friends are out having fun without you. I think friends shouldn't make you feel shitty. Mom always say that I always prioritize my friends. Maybe that is the reason why. I don't know. I think I need an aura cleansing. I just need to know if what I'm doing or facing through is good for me. Everything around me, are they good for me?
It is also heartbreaking that the one person who wants to be with me (I think, hehe) and likewise, is so far away. So far away that it feels impossible to be with. The one person who says "That's why I'm here." And yet so far away. The one person who wants to crawl in bed with me to watch a movie *blush*. And yet so far away. :
It is heartbreaking, when family members are diagnosed with any sort of sickness. Dad is sick. He has been visiting the hospital for several days to shoot up some blood pines. Granny is in the hospital. She started to "meracau". I think kitty has cancer.
Thus, in no particular order, that is the update of my life. Which is causing me to mourn.
One funny part is that, my work, after the last week, my sacrifice finally paid off. I actually felt great seeing my event all appearing in newspapers and television. And I felt relieved! Guess, to feel good about something, you got to sacrifice in being sad about something else. :
It is also heartbreaking that the one person who wants to be with me (I think, hehe) and likewise, is so far away. So far away that it feels impossible to be with. The one person who says "That's why I'm here." And yet so far away. The one person who wants to crawl in bed with me to watch a movie *blush*. And yet so far away. :
It is heartbreaking, when family members are diagnosed with any sort of sickness. Dad is sick. He has been visiting the hospital for several days to shoot up some blood pines. Granny is in the hospital. She started to "meracau". I think kitty has cancer.
Thus, in no particular order, that is the update of my life. Which is causing me to mourn.
One funny part is that, my work, after the last week, my sacrifice finally paid off. I actually felt great seeing my event all appearing in newspapers and television. And I felt relieved! Guess, to feel good about something, you got to sacrifice in being sad about something else. :
Friday, October 12, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Unfortunate.
un·for·tu·nate [uhn-fawr-chuh-nit] adj.
1. suffering from bad luck: an unfortunate person.
2. unfavorable or inauspicious: an unfortunate beginning.
3. regrettable or deplorable: an unfortunate remark.
4. marked by or inviting misfortune: an unfortunate development.
5. lamentable; sad: the unfortunate death of her parents. –noun
6. an unfortunate person.
--
un·for·tu·nate·ly, adv.
un·for·tu·nate·ness, n.
I think, I am the epitome of unfortunate. If you open up a dictionary, my picture should be there. LOL. (So emo! LOL!) I just browsed through an acquaintance's wedding pictures. And I saw how grand and lovely it was, and how loveable the both of them together. And it pisses me off. Or, I realize my unfortunate-ity. Cause, of course, one can achieve and get a great life, if one was being born into a fortunate settings. Eg., if you were born in a rich family, you will be well educated, you will be dressed finely, thus, you will achieve and have a great life, in the meaning of that you will fine a partner that is educated, that dresses beautifully, etc. And, even if you're ugly, fat or whatever for that matter, you are rich, you can use that money to repair anything that you like, althought it is unlikely for me to do it. LOL. But imagine, being born in a family of 15, and living a fisherman's life. You can't be educated, you can't dress well, etc. Not sure how am I to say this, should we realize our levels?
1. suffering from bad luck: an unfortunate person.
2. unfavorable or inauspicious: an unfortunate beginning.
3. regrettable or deplorable: an unfortunate remark.
4. marked by or inviting misfortune: an unfortunate development.
5. lamentable; sad: the unfortunate death of her parents. –noun
6. an unfortunate person.
--
un·for·tu·nate·ly, adv.
un·for·tu·nate·ness, n.
I think, I am the epitome of unfortunate. If you open up a dictionary, my picture should be there. LOL. (So emo! LOL!) I just browsed through an acquaintance's wedding pictures. And I saw how grand and lovely it was, and how loveable the both of them together. And it pisses me off. Or, I realize my unfortunate-ity. Cause, of course, one can achieve and get a great life, if one was being born into a fortunate settings. Eg., if you were born in a rich family, you will be well educated, you will be dressed finely, thus, you will achieve and have a great life, in the meaning of that you will fine a partner that is educated, that dresses beautifully, etc. And, even if you're ugly, fat or whatever for that matter, you are rich, you can use that money to repair anything that you like, althought it is unlikely for me to do it. LOL. But imagine, being born in a family of 15, and living a fisherman's life. You can't be educated, you can't dress well, etc. Not sure how am I to say this, should we realize our levels?
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Banished
Not quite an angel who fell from heaven
Landing in a pit of nothing
Leave me now before I pull you to the ground
Let’s pretend it can never be
I can’t say no to my desire
Though it puts me through hell
I chose evil over you whom I love
Do I even know what love means?
I’ve fallen, fallen once again
I want to reach out to you to pick me up
But I can’t look at you in shame
How can I expect for you to be there?
When its me who really doesn’t care?
You had it all once until I came along
You can still turn back now its not too far gone…
I don’t know, just how things will be
When there’s you and me almost in perfect symmetry
With one wrong move the world came crushing down
I’ve clipped my wings and now can only watch you from the ground
Maybe one day, we can begin again
Maybe one day, we can be so much more than friends
Maybe one day, when I can banish this weakness in me
Maybe one day, when I am past this mystery
Of what is, and what isn’t
What means something and the others forgotten
To keep on grasping for something so undefined
To have the courage
To step up and draw the line…
Landing in a pit of nothing
Leave me now before I pull you to the ground
Let’s pretend it can never be
I can’t say no to my desire
Though it puts me through hell
I chose evil over you whom I love
Do I even know what love means?
I’ve fallen, fallen once again
I want to reach out to you to pick me up
But I can’t look at you in shame
How can I expect for you to be there?
When its me who really doesn’t care?
You had it all once until I came along
You can still turn back now its not too far gone…
I don’t know, just how things will be
When there’s you and me almost in perfect symmetry
With one wrong move the world came crushing down
I’ve clipped my wings and now can only watch you from the ground
Maybe one day, we can begin again
Maybe one day, we can be so much more than friends
Maybe one day, when I can banish this weakness in me
Maybe one day, when I am past this mystery
Of what is, and what isn’t
What means something and the others forgotten
To keep on grasping for something so undefined
To have the courage
To step up and draw the line…
Friday, September 7, 2007
My Paroxysmic Hormones.
par·ox·ysm [par-uhk-siz-uhm] n.
1. any sudden, violent outburst; a fit of violent action or emotion: paroxysms of rage.
2. Pathology. a severe attack or a sudden increase in intensity of a disease, usually recurring periodically.
--
par·ox·ys·mal, par·ox·ys·mic, adj.
par·ox·ys·mal·ly, adv.
Well, I'm not quite sure if I'm fortunate or really unlucky, but this paroxysm has been going on for weeks. And, it is driving me nuts. Everywhere I turn, there is an attraction. And it is depressing.
Mother once said, "I noticed, that you will never be satisfied with anything." I have come to realize that it has 2 sides to it. As a somewhat normal human being, I will thrive and never stop thriving for more. But in the negative department, I will never be thankful, for what I have.
I have a job, in another 2 months, hopefully *crosses fingers* I will get confirmed. Hence, me being settled. And after discussing it with my Mom, she said, once I'm there, I can execute my plan, living by myself.
I have a family. I have friends. But yet, I am not satisfied. I don't have a love life, and it should be good, because then there's no love problems. And yet, I am still not satisfied. Haha.
I'm bored at the office, so just bare with me.
1. any sudden, violent outburst; a fit of violent action or emotion: paroxysms of rage.
2. Pathology. a severe attack or a sudden increase in intensity of a disease, usually recurring periodically.
--
par·ox·ys·mal, par·ox·ys·mic, adj.
par·ox·ys·mal·ly, adv.
Well, I'm not quite sure if I'm fortunate or really unlucky, but this paroxysm has been going on for weeks. And, it is driving me nuts. Everywhere I turn, there is an attraction. And it is depressing.
Mother once said, "I noticed, that you will never be satisfied with anything." I have come to realize that it has 2 sides to it. As a somewhat normal human being, I will thrive and never stop thriving for more. But in the negative department, I will never be thankful, for what I have.
I have a job, in another 2 months, hopefully *crosses fingers* I will get confirmed. Hence, me being settled. And after discussing it with my Mom, she said, once I'm there, I can execute my plan, living by myself.
I have a family. I have friends. But yet, I am not satisfied. I don't have a love life, and it should be good, because then there's no love problems. And yet, I am still not satisfied. Haha.
I'm bored at the office, so just bare with me.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
R Sector!
Find me a heart that beats to the same rhythm
And a mind that can outwit a T9
If you can't then I'll just have you
For you get me all the time
Give me a reason not to ask
I need to know where this will lead
For when you're not around me
I falter... I grow weak...
Be the balm that soothes my burning questions
Utter those words that I want to hear
Leave no scar when I come to you defenceless
Offer me no lies nor deceit
Walk a mile in my shoes
Then ask the questions you've asked before
Forget the blinding emotions I feel for you
You might feel like a rag sweeping the floor
(But that is how much I adore you)
(To keep on coming back for more)
This is me pining at home
This is what you've done
I chose to be in this position
To be on call, to you I run
Time and time again
You know the words to soothe the pain
When you call... I run... I run...
And a mind that can outwit a T9
If you can't then I'll just have you
For you get me all the time
Give me a reason not to ask
I need to know where this will lead
For when you're not around me
I falter... I grow weak...
Be the balm that soothes my burning questions
Utter those words that I want to hear
Leave no scar when I come to you defenceless
Offer me no lies nor deceit
Walk a mile in my shoes
Then ask the questions you've asked before
Forget the blinding emotions I feel for you
You might feel like a rag sweeping the floor
(But that is how much I adore you)
(To keep on coming back for more)
This is me pining at home
This is what you've done
I chose to be in this position
To be on call, to you I run
Time and time again
You know the words to soothe the pain
When you call... I run... I run...
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Out of track.
Hoh. I'm currently in the office. Infront of the PC, without anything to do. Today is just another boring day. And having nothing to do, doesn't help to take my mind off things/someone. Boohoohoo.
Here's a secret, for the first time today, after a very long time, just by the mere thought of him, I felt my heart pumps great amount of blood all over my body. Basically, I just felt that my heart was so healthy, that it actually grew bigger, as big as my chest. And, this has not happen for the longest time. I think the last time I felt that, was when I was on cloud 9, with a former lover. That was almost 3 years ago. Woo. And it really shouldn't mean anything at all (the relationship, I mean). Hehe.
Oh well. But what's weird now, is that I've never met this person before, nor that our horoscopes match, or anything that is necessary to make it real. The only real thing is, we chat with each other every day, talk about everything that matters in the world, and sometimes just nonsense of the nonsense, but yet, resulted me to become like this. Totally bogus. : And it sucks, knowing that we have a great connection with each other, via virtual world (somewhat), so great that it's impossible to think that it is real. And it will never go anywhere, but just here. Starts here and ends here. :(
But the point of me writing a blog entry is not because of that. I am bored. Hence, me checking out http://www.tickle.com. One of my all time favourite sites. Though I don't go there every day. :) And so, I was doing some new tests and looking at the old tests I've taken. And it looks like, I have really lost myself! Haha!
March 20, 2003
Are You an Optimist or a Pessimist? Your score: Pretty Optimistic
Are You a People Pleaser? Your score: A Giver and a Taker
Are You a Slacker? Your score: Bit of a Procrastinator
Are You Evil? Your score: Almost Angelic
Are You Naughty or Nice? Your score: Pretty Tame
What Are You Afraid Of? Your score: being unsafe
The Sexual Turn On Test Your score: Personality-Environment
What Kind of Kisser Are You? Your score: Bashful Kisser
What Kind of Party Legend Are You? Your score: Wild
What Type of Flirt Are You? Your score: Silly
January 28, 2004
What's Your Best Quality? Your score: Intelligent
April 1, 2004
Are You Fit to Commit? Your score: Total Low
April 8, 2004
What Are You Looking for in a Relationship? Your score: Soul Mate
February 13, 2005
What Type Are You? Your score: Guys Girl
Do You Follow Your Heart or Your Head? Your score: Head-Strong Romantic
October 28, 2005
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You? Your score: Steady Supporter
The Relationship Satisfaction Test Your score: Settling for Less
Why Are You Still Single? Your score: Don't Want To Get Hurt
Are You Fit to Commit? Your score: fit to commit because you know what you want
April 20, 2006
Who's the Man of Your Dreams? Your score: A Rebel with a Cause
Who Catches Your Eye? Your score: Class Clown
December 27, 2006
Is He Marriage Material? Your score: Mr. Right for Now
Is He "The One"? Your score: A Close Call
What's Your Love Story? Your score: Love Conquers All
Which Relationship Is Right for You? Your score: Steady Comfort
Haha. Just like to share. :)
Here's a secret, for the first time today, after a very long time, just by the mere thought of him, I felt my heart pumps great amount of blood all over my body. Basically, I just felt that my heart was so healthy, that it actually grew bigger, as big as my chest. And, this has not happen for the longest time. I think the last time I felt that, was when I was on cloud 9, with a former lover. That was almost 3 years ago. Woo. And it really shouldn't mean anything at all (the relationship, I mean). Hehe.
Oh well. But what's weird now, is that I've never met this person before, nor that our horoscopes match, or anything that is necessary to make it real. The only real thing is, we chat with each other every day, talk about everything that matters in the world, and sometimes just nonsense of the nonsense, but yet, resulted me to become like this. Totally bogus. : And it sucks, knowing that we have a great connection with each other, via virtual world (somewhat), so great that it's impossible to think that it is real. And it will never go anywhere, but just here. Starts here and ends here. :(
But the point of me writing a blog entry is not because of that. I am bored. Hence, me checking out http://www.tickle.com. One of my all time favourite sites. Though I don't go there every day. :) And so, I was doing some new tests and looking at the old tests I've taken. And it looks like, I have really lost myself! Haha!
March 20, 2003
Are You an Optimist or a Pessimist? Your score: Pretty Optimistic
Are You a People Pleaser? Your score: A Giver and a Taker
Are You a Slacker? Your score: Bit of a Procrastinator
Are You Evil? Your score: Almost Angelic
Are You Naughty or Nice? Your score: Pretty Tame
What Are You Afraid Of? Your score: being unsafe
The Sexual Turn On Test Your score: Personality-Environment
What Kind of Kisser Are You? Your score: Bashful Kisser
What Kind of Party Legend Are You? Your score: Wild
What Type of Flirt Are You? Your score: Silly
January 28, 2004
What's Your Best Quality? Your score: Intelligent
April 1, 2004
Are You Fit to Commit? Your score: Total Low
April 8, 2004
What Are You Looking for in a Relationship? Your score: Soul Mate
February 13, 2005
What Type Are You? Your score: Guys Girl
Do You Follow Your Heart or Your Head? Your score: Head-Strong Romantic
October 28, 2005
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You? Your score: Steady Supporter
The Relationship Satisfaction Test Your score: Settling for Less
Why Are You Still Single? Your score: Don't Want To Get Hurt
Are You Fit to Commit? Your score: fit to commit because you know what you want
April 20, 2006
Who's the Man of Your Dreams? Your score: A Rebel with a Cause
Who Catches Your Eye? Your score: Class Clown
December 27, 2006
Is He Marriage Material? Your score: Mr. Right for Now
Is He "The One"? Your score: A Close Call
What's Your Love Story? Your score: Love Conquers All
Which Relationship Is Right for You? Your score: Steady Comfort
Haha. Just like to share. :)
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Syncronization.
I'm out of words. Because it seems that Barry has so many things to say. Huhu. And here I am, stating something, which I am not quite sure what.
Well, I'm somewhat content, full of desire and hungry for excitement. Hoh! :)
Well, I'm somewhat content, full of desire and hungry for excitement. Hoh! :)
Sunday, August 12, 2007
IKON ASEAN
As I munched on my sausage sandwich this morning, I pondered on the results of Last nights' results for IKON ASEAN.
Country - Philippines
Won - Everything.
Why - Hell knows.
Fine. Thats' just me being bitter. To a certain extent, their band 'Kjawn' really did perform well. Bar the mumbling lead vocalist, the music was tight, and for a non-rock fan like to bop my head along, they really must be doing something right.
But Vina Morales? I think it was all about her butt and breasts. Admittedly, she did sing well, not outstanding (there seemed to be notes she was dreaming of reaching during Pang Ako Saiyo) but the important thing was she enunciated really well, and she lived the song. And for her second number she wowed the audience by being flipped left, right and centre (gimmicks but hey, part and parcel of good showmanship) and dancing up a storm but still managing to not sound breathless.
So, if showmanship was the benchmark, OAG should have wiped the floor with their competitors! Teir music is infectious, Radhi never sounded better and with his trademark zany onstage persona (which is not really any different from his man-on-the-street one for that matter), they seemed to be clear favorites to win the sought after title! What happened there? Accordingto a friend, they made a number of mistakes in the first number. I myself did not notice I have to admit. Will watch the replay on YouTube and listen out for them.
Now, lets move on to Jaclyn Victor. For me this lady can do no wrong. But after watching Vina last night, the only thing Miss Victor needs is a great dance instructor. Vocally, they're about almost an even match, JV has a wider range and does the soul thing ever so well; whereas Vina has a deeper, 'full bodied' voice. Admittedly I AM BIASED, so Jac wins here. Her Gemilang was indeed very Gemilang.
To cut a long story short (have to shoot off to work) I am indeed highly disappointed that Jac and OAG didn't make. For so many reasons. We still love you guys though.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Peace!
Country - Philippines
Won - Everything.
Why - Hell knows.
Fine. Thats' just me being bitter. To a certain extent, their band 'Kjawn' really did perform well. Bar the mumbling lead vocalist, the music was tight, and for a non-rock fan like to bop my head along, they really must be doing something right.
But Vina Morales? I think it was all about her butt and breasts. Admittedly, she did sing well, not outstanding (there seemed to be notes she was dreaming of reaching during Pang Ako Saiyo) but the important thing was she enunciated really well, and she lived the song. And for her second number she wowed the audience by being flipped left, right and centre (gimmicks but hey, part and parcel of good showmanship) and dancing up a storm but still managing to not sound breathless.
So, if showmanship was the benchmark, OAG should have wiped the floor with their competitors! Teir music is infectious, Radhi never sounded better and with his trademark zany onstage persona (which is not really any different from his man-on-the-street one for that matter), they seemed to be clear favorites to win the sought after title! What happened there? Accordingto a friend, they made a number of mistakes in the first number. I myself did not notice I have to admit. Will watch the replay on YouTube and listen out for them.
Now, lets move on to Jaclyn Victor. For me this lady can do no wrong. But after watching Vina last night, the only thing Miss Victor needs is a great dance instructor. Vocally, they're about almost an even match, JV has a wider range and does the soul thing ever so well; whereas Vina has a deeper, 'full bodied' voice. Admittedly I AM BIASED, so Jac wins here. Her Gemilang was indeed very Gemilang.
To cut a long story short (have to shoot off to work) I am indeed highly disappointed that Jac and OAG didn't make. For so many reasons. We still love you guys though.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Peace!
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Flu!
Shits up! Got the flu. But still managed to eat enough for a zoo. How do i do this?
No wonder he says my face is round lol!
Ah well, be thankful for the fact that I can eat.
Not many people can say the same huh?
Thanks to Mira, I was inspired to write the following...
There's something bout the way your lashes
Frames your deeply expressive eyes
Its hard for me to look into
And that I don't wonder why
I know you catch me when I stare
But really darlin I don't care
There is something I need to share
But if I do will you still be there?
I don't want to fall just to make me feel alive
But I'm setting myself way up high
I falter with each step I take
The closer I get, the harder it gets to break... my fall...
I want to pick up the phone
But will you answer my call?
They know it just as well as I do
From the way I talk, everything is about you
But i'll still stay in denial
Will refuse to give it a trial
Maybe when the time is right
Maybe then but not tonight...
It sounds strange but what I really want most
Is nothing more than just to hold you close...
No wonder he says my face is round lol!
Ah well, be thankful for the fact that I can eat.
Not many people can say the same huh?
Thanks to Mira, I was inspired to write the following...
There's something bout the way your lashes
Frames your deeply expressive eyes
Its hard for me to look into
And that I don't wonder why
I know you catch me when I stare
But really darlin I don't care
There is something I need to share
But if I do will you still be there?
I don't want to fall just to make me feel alive
But I'm setting myself way up high
I falter with each step I take
The closer I get, the harder it gets to break... my fall...
I want to pick up the phone
But will you answer my call?
They know it just as well as I do
From the way I talk, everything is about you
But i'll still stay in denial
Will refuse to give it a trial
Maybe when the time is right
Maybe then but not tonight...
It sounds strange but what I really want most
Is nothing more than just to hold you close...
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