retaliation - part 1

If my suspicions are true.... FUCK YOU!

Unfortunate.

un·for·tu·nate [uhn-fawr-chuh-nit] adj.
1. suffering from bad luck: an unfortunate person.
2. unfavorable or inauspicious: an unfortunate beginning.
3. regrettable or deplorable: an unfortunate remark.
4. marked by or inviting misfortune: an unfortunate development.
5. lamentable; sad: the unfortunate death of her parents. –noun
6. an unfortunate person.
--
un·for·tu·nate·ly, adv.
un·for·tu·nate·ness, n.

I think, I am the epitome of unfortunate. If you open up a dictionary, my picture should be there. LOL. (So emo! LOL!) I just browsed through an acquaintance's wedding pictures. And I saw how grand and lovely it was, and how loveable the both of them together. And it pisses me off. Or, I realize my unfortunate-ity. Cause, of course, one can achieve and get a great life, if one was being born into a fortunate settings. Eg., if you were born in a rich family, you will be well educated, you will be dressed finely, thus, you will achieve and have a great life, in the meaning of that you will fine a partner that is educated, that dresses beautifully, etc. And, even if you're ugly, fat or whatever for that matter, you are rich, you can use that money to repair anything that you like, althought it is unlikely for me to do it. LOL. But imagine, being born in a family of 15, and living a fisherman's life. You can't be educated, you can't dress well, etc. Not sure how am I to say this, should we realize our levels?

Banished

Not quite an angel who fell from heaven
Landing in a pit of nothing
Leave me now before I pull you to the ground
Let’s pretend it can never be

I can’t say no to my desire
Though it puts me through hell
I chose evil over you whom I love
Do I even know what love means?

I’ve fallen, fallen once again
I want to reach out to you to pick me up
But I can’t look at you in shame
How can I expect for you to be there?
When its me who really doesn’t care?
You had it all once until I came along
You can still turn back now its not too far gone…

I don’t know, just how things will be
When there’s you and me almost in perfect symmetry
With one wrong move the world came crushing down
I’ve clipped my wings and now can only watch you from the ground

Maybe one day, we can begin again
Maybe one day, we can be so much more than friends
Maybe one day, when I can banish this weakness in me
Maybe one day, when I am past this mystery
Of what is, and what isn’t
What means something and the others forgotten
To keep on grasping for something so undefined
To have the courage
To step up and draw the line…

My Paroxysmic Hormones.

par·ox·ysm [par-uhk-siz-uhm] n.
1. any sudden, violent outburst; a fit of violent action or emotion: paroxysms of rage.
2. Pathology. a severe attack or a sudden increase in intensity of a disease, usually recurring periodically.
--
par·ox·ys·mal, par·ox·ys·mic, adj.
par·ox·ys·mal·ly, adv.

Well, I'm not quite sure if I'm fortunate or really unlucky, but this paroxysm has been going on for weeks. And, it is driving me nuts. Everywhere I turn, there is an attraction. And it is depressing.

Mother once said, "I noticed, that you will never be satisfied with anything." I have come to realize that it has 2 sides to it. As a somewhat normal human being, I will thrive and never stop thriving for more. But in the negative department, I will never be thankful, for what I have.

I have a job, in another 2 months, hopefully *crosses fingers* I will get confirmed. Hence, me being settled. And after discussing it with my Mom, she said, once I'm there, I can execute my plan, living by myself.

I have a family. I have friends. But yet, I am not satisfied. I don't have a love life, and it should be good, because then there's no love problems. And yet, I am still not satisfied. Haha.

I'm bored at the office, so just bare with me.

R Sector!

Find me a heart that beats to the same rhythm
And a mind that can outwit a T9
If you can't then I'll just have you
For you get me all the time

Give me a reason not to ask
I need to know where this will lead
For when you're not around me
I falter... I grow weak...

Be the balm that soothes my burning questions
Utter those words that I want to hear
Leave no scar when I come to you defenceless
Offer me no lies nor deceit

Walk a mile in my shoes
Then ask the questions you've asked before
Forget the blinding emotions I feel for you
You might feel like a rag sweeping the floor

(But that is how much I adore you)
(To keep on coming back for more)

This is me pining at home
This is what you've done
I chose to be in this position
To be on call, to you I run

Time and time again
You know the words to soothe the pain
When you call... I run... I run...

Out of track.

Hoh. I'm currently in the office. Infront of the PC, without anything to do. Today is just another boring day. And having nothing to do, doesn't help to take my mind off things/someone. Boohoohoo.

Here's a secret, for the first time today, after a very long time, just by the mere thought of him, I felt my heart pumps great amount of blood all over my body. Basically, I just felt that my heart was so healthy, that it actually grew bigger, as big as my chest. And, this has not happen for the longest time. I think the last time I felt that, was when I was on cloud 9, with a former lover. That was almost 3 years ago. Woo. And it really shouldn't mean anything at all (the relationship, I mean). Hehe.

Oh well. But what's weird now, is that I've never met this person before, nor that our horoscopes match, or anything that is necessary to make it real. The only real thing is, we chat with each other every day, talk about everything that matters in the world, and sometimes just nonsense of the nonsense, but yet, resulted me to become like this. Totally bogus. : And it sucks, knowing that we have a great connection with each other, via virtual world (somewhat), so great that it's impossible to think that it is real. And it will never go anywhere, but just here. Starts here and ends here. :(

But the point of me writing a blog entry is not because of that. I am bored. Hence, me checking out http://www.tickle.com. One of my all time favourite sites. Though I don't go there every day. :) And so, I was doing some new tests and looking at the old tests I've taken. And it looks like, I have really lost myself! Haha!

March 20, 2003
Are You an Optimist or a Pessimist? Your score: Pretty Optimistic
Are You a People Pleaser? Your score: A Giver and a Taker
Are You a Slacker? Your score: Bit of a Procrastinator
Are You Evil? Your score: Almost Angelic
Are You Naughty or Nice? Your score: Pretty Tame
What Are You Afraid Of? Your score: being unsafe
The Sexual Turn On Test Your score: Personality-Environment
What Kind of Kisser Are You? Your score: Bashful Kisser
What Kind of Party Legend Are You? Your score: Wild
What Type of Flirt Are You? Your score: Silly

January 28, 2004
What's Your Best Quality? Your score: Intelligent

April 1, 2004
Are You Fit to Commit? Your score: Total Low

April 8, 2004
What Are You Looking for in a Relationship? Your score: Soul Mate

February 13, 2005
What Type Are You? Your score: Guys Girl
Do You Follow Your Heart or Your Head? Your score: Head-Strong Romantic

October 28, 2005
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You? Your score: Steady Supporter
The Relationship Satisfaction Test Your score: Settling for Less
Why Are You Still Single? Your score: Don't Want To Get Hurt
Are You Fit to Commit? Your score: fit to commit because you know what you want

April 20, 2006
Who's the Man of Your Dreams? Your score: A Rebel with a Cause
Who Catches Your Eye? Your score: Class Clown

December 27, 2006
Is He Marriage Material? Your score: Mr. Right for Now
Is He "The One"? Your score: A Close Call
What's Your Love Story? Your score: Love Conquers All
Which Relationship Is Right for You? Your score: Steady Comfort


Haha. Just like to share. :)

Syncronization.

I'm out of words. Because it seems that Barry has so many things to say. Huhu. And here I am, stating something, which I am not quite sure what.

Well, I'm somewhat content, full of desire and hungry for excitement. Hoh! :)