Unfortunate.

un·for·tu·nate [uhn-fawr-chuh-nit] adj.
1. suffering from bad luck: an unfortunate person.
2. unfavorable or inauspicious: an unfortunate beginning.
3. regrettable or deplorable: an unfortunate remark.
4. marked by or inviting misfortune: an unfortunate development.
5. lamentable; sad: the unfortunate death of her parents. –noun
6. an unfortunate person.
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un·for·tu·nate·ly, adv.
un·for·tu·nate·ness, n.

I think, I am the epitome of unfortunate. If you open up a dictionary, my picture should be there. LOL. (So emo! LOL!) I just browsed through an acquaintance's wedding pictures. And I saw how grand and lovely it was, and how loveable the both of them together. And it pisses me off. Or, I realize my unfortunate-ity. Cause, of course, one can achieve and get a great life, if one was being born into a fortunate settings. Eg., if you were born in a rich family, you will be well educated, you will be dressed finely, thus, you will achieve and have a great life, in the meaning of that you will fine a partner that is educated, that dresses beautifully, etc. And, even if you're ugly, fat or whatever for that matter, you are rich, you can use that money to repair anything that you like, althought it is unlikely for me to do it. LOL. But imagine, being born in a family of 15, and living a fisherman's life. You can't be educated, you can't dress well, etc. Not sure how am I to say this, should we realize our levels?

Banished

Not quite an angel who fell from heaven
Landing in a pit of nothing
Leave me now before I pull you to the ground
Let’s pretend it can never be

I can’t say no to my desire
Though it puts me through hell
I chose evil over you whom I love
Do I even know what love means?

I’ve fallen, fallen once again
I want to reach out to you to pick me up
But I can’t look at you in shame
How can I expect for you to be there?
When its me who really doesn’t care?
You had it all once until I came along
You can still turn back now its not too far gone…

I don’t know, just how things will be
When there’s you and me almost in perfect symmetry
With one wrong move the world came crushing down
I’ve clipped my wings and now can only watch you from the ground

Maybe one day, we can begin again
Maybe one day, we can be so much more than friends
Maybe one day, when I can banish this weakness in me
Maybe one day, when I am past this mystery
Of what is, and what isn’t
What means something and the others forgotten
To keep on grasping for something so undefined
To have the courage
To step up and draw the line…

My Paroxysmic Hormones.

par·ox·ysm [par-uhk-siz-uhm] n.
1. any sudden, violent outburst; a fit of violent action or emotion: paroxysms of rage.
2. Pathology. a severe attack or a sudden increase in intensity of a disease, usually recurring periodically.
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par·ox·ys·mal, par·ox·ys·mic, adj.
par·ox·ys·mal·ly, adv.

Well, I'm not quite sure if I'm fortunate or really unlucky, but this paroxysm has been going on for weeks. And, it is driving me nuts. Everywhere I turn, there is an attraction. And it is depressing.

Mother once said, "I noticed, that you will never be satisfied with anything." I have come to realize that it has 2 sides to it. As a somewhat normal human being, I will thrive and never stop thriving for more. But in the negative department, I will never be thankful, for what I have.

I have a job, in another 2 months, hopefully *crosses fingers* I will get confirmed. Hence, me being settled. And after discussing it with my Mom, she said, once I'm there, I can execute my plan, living by myself.

I have a family. I have friends. But yet, I am not satisfied. I don't have a love life, and it should be good, because then there's no love problems. And yet, I am still not satisfied. Haha.

I'm bored at the office, so just bare with me.

R Sector!

Find me a heart that beats to the same rhythm
And a mind that can outwit a T9
If you can't then I'll just have you
For you get me all the time

Give me a reason not to ask
I need to know where this will lead
For when you're not around me
I falter... I grow weak...

Be the balm that soothes my burning questions
Utter those words that I want to hear
Leave no scar when I come to you defenceless
Offer me no lies nor deceit

Walk a mile in my shoes
Then ask the questions you've asked before
Forget the blinding emotions I feel for you
You might feel like a rag sweeping the floor

(But that is how much I adore you)
(To keep on coming back for more)

This is me pining at home
This is what you've done
I chose to be in this position
To be on call, to you I run

Time and time again
You know the words to soothe the pain
When you call... I run... I run...